Well, howdy! It's Week 3 and we're still picking those games.
And I'm still kicking your....
That's about to end right here and right now, Decrepit! It's a new week and I can feel the power. And that means it's time to get to it. Are you ready, Dad?
Yes I am, youngblood. Call it out!
Minnesota Golden Gophers (+1 1/2) vs. Northwestern Wildcats. No, I'm not talking about the Wildcat formation, because you don't build a university on a football formation. Needless to say, the Wildcats will not be running wild on Saturday. Minnesota 38, Cats 10.
Hmm. You have a little more faith in the pesky Gophers than I do, young man. The Wildcats have a quarterback named Kafka, who is the namesake of a man who wrote a famous book in which a man was turned into a giant insect. With all the weird stuff the Wildcats run, it could be a Kafkaesque afternoon for our locals. Northwestern 31, Gophers 27.
Michigan State Spartans (+3) vs. Wisconsin Badgers. This is going to be a good game. I do believe in Bucky, however Michigan State looks like they have a good team this year. But since the game is being played at Camp Randall, Bucky comes out on top, but just barely. Bucky Badger 40, Sparty the Spartan 38.
Last I heard, they do play defense in the Big Ten, grasshopper. So I think it will be a little more low-scoring than you do. But even though I'm tempted to pick the Spartans, whose season is in danger of circling the drain following two tough losses, the fact that the game is in Madison will make the difference. Wisconsin 28, Michigan State 19.
Iowa Hawkeyes (+9 1/2) vs. Penn State Nittany Lions. You've gotta like JoePa. After falling asleep while I was watching the Iowa game last week, I gotta say that Iowa is not a front-runner in the Big Ten this year. Penn State is my favorite to win the league this year. Penn State 28, Iowa 17.
Fearless Maria thinks that JoePa looks like the guy from the movie Up. You did fall asleep last week because you weren't feeling well, Benster. Then again, Iowa has that effect on a lot of people, so don't worry about it. The Hawkeyes ruined Penn State's season last year and they haven't forgotten in Happy Valley. I think it will be close but look for JoePa and his friends to prevail. If he doesn't, look for JoePa to attach about 10,000 hot air balloons to his house and drift off to South America. Penn State 24, Iowa 21.
San Francisco 49ers (+7) vs. Minnesota Vikings. So Fav-ray's next opponent is like the Sahara Desert. There's very few oases of talent on the Niners. I used to have Frank Gore on my fantasy team and he's still good, but there's little else to get excited about on the offensive side of the ball. Look for the Berlin Wall to stop them and it will not collapse like the real one. Vikings 30, Niners 7.
Well, the 49ers do come into the game 2-0. Of course, I believe they played Wofford College in one of their games, so I'm not sure how much stock to put in their performance. I suspect that the Vikings will play pretty well and that the game will follow a similar pattern to what we've seen this year, with the Purple wearing down the opposition in the second half. Purple 27, Niners 16.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (-6 1/2) vs. St. Louis Rams. I will forever have some anger directed toward Marc Bulger, because in 2007 he was my fantasy league quarterback and he imploded and then I had to go with Gus Frerotte, who threw 5 picks in one game. It's enough to scar a kid for life! Even though there are injury problems for the Packers, they still have enough guns to beat the Rams. Pack 24, Rams 17.
I was somewhat surprised to find out that the Rams are still in the league. They might be the worst team in the NFL, which is a good thing because even marginally competent NFL teams tend to put Aaron Rodgers on his back these days. The Pack should win, but it's going to be an ugly game, I think. Packers 23, Rams 9.
Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (-2) vs. Seattle Seabags. First of all, please know that we're only picking this game for Gino's sake. The Walrus is gone from Seattle, most likely to an ice floe someplace in the Aleutian chain. Seattle is a mess and there is nothing anyone can do to say that Seattle is going to win the NFC West. I'm going to swallow my pride on this one. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz 20, Seabags 14.
Let's give the ursine wretches of McFetridge Drive some credit -- beating Pittsburgh was a pretty good trick. And I tend to agree with the young fella that Seattle won't pose much of a threat this week. Da Bearz 24, Seattle 16.
Remember the words of Tim Tebow: you'll never see a blogger pick games any harder than I will the rest of the year. Got that, Decrepit? Actually, that's the wrong speech, but you still da man, Tim Tebow!
I have no idea what that means, Ben. But rock on with your bad self.
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