Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Prairie Fire, Baby! Edition

We're back! So, we're not going to discuss what happened on Thursday night. You all saw it anyway. We are choosing to follow the advice of Edna Mode -- don't look back, it distracts from the now! So we have a new season and a whole lotta football. And, of course, HYYYYYPPPPE!!

Hype -- the eternal growth industry.

Don't you forget it, Geritol Fan! Watch me work!

Middle Tennessee State Something or Others (+15.5) vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers. Actually, I believe MTSU is the Blue Raiders, but it could be something else. Doesn't matter. They've come to Minneapolis to get a beatdown. There is no way the Gophers are going to lose. Gophers 63, Something or Other 0.

Oh, it will be closer than that. Not much, though. Gophers 37, MTSU 14.

Western Illinois Leathernecks (NL) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. So, the Badgers played valiantly down in Houston but came up short against mighty LSU. Now they play another team that wears purple, but is not nearly as good. The Leathernecks hail from Macomb, Illinois, which is about an hour south of my new school, Knox College, about which more in a moment. Even though the Badgers kinda blew it against LSU, there's little reason to assume they'll have any trouble with the Leathernecks, who are overmatched here. Let's see if Tanner McEvoy can avoid throwing passes to the student section. Badgers 83, Leathernecks 17.

Okay. Again, probably less than that. Wisconsin 42, WIU 7.

Eureka College Red Devils vs. Knox College Prairie Fire. Surpringly, there doesn't seem to be a betting line on this game. Bovada is missing a bet here, which is unusual for a sports book. This fierce non-conference rivalry marks the debut of the Knox College Prairie Fire in this feature. I will begin orientation at Knox in four days, so I'm looking forward to seeing how the Prairie Fire does. My research indicates that they aren't very good, but as an Irondale High School graduate I'm familiar with cheering for teams with a limited chance for success. However, as long as Knox beats hated Monmouth, which I understand Knox does hate, it's all good in the hood. Knox 24, Eureka 21.

The only thing I know about Eureka is that it is Ronald Reagan's alma mater. I have it on pretty good authority that Reagan is not playing in this game. Go Prairie Fire, right? Knox 17, Eureka 13.

Minnesota Vikings (+3.5) vs. St. Louis Sheep. The Rams got a lot of ink in the offseason as being the temporary home of Michael Sam, who should just be what he is, a marginal football player, rather than a cause celebre. But he's not in St. Louis any more. The Rams are going to start Shaun "Blueberry" Hill, the former Viking, Lion, and probably several other team journeyman. Hill is a poor man's Gus Frerotte and I'm surprised that the Rams are favored in this game. However, the Rams do have Tayvon Austin and a fierce defense. Let's see what ol' Norv Turner has cooking. Vikings 31, Rams 20.

I'm not sure what to think about this game. It's a measure of the disrespect the Vikings have earned that they are a dog against a team playing a backup quarterback. Having said that, it's hard to get a read on who the Vikings are right now, based on their body of work in the preseason. They did not use Adrian Peterson at all, so we have no way of knowing how he'll do. Usually, you should assume he'll do very well, but I wonder just a little. Rams 24, Vikings 21.

Buffalo Bills (+7) vs. Bear Down Chicago da Bearz. Da Bearz are still angry about how they had their season crushed last year. Want to see the highlight again? I'm sure you do, Gino!

Tecmo, baby! I never get tired of seeing it, in whatever format you choose. The big thing that should concern Bears fans is that Josh McCown is now a Tampa Bay Buccaneer and da Bearz are again putting their fate in the hands of Jay Cutler, who has consistently been inconsistent throughout his entire career. What's even more concerning is that da Bearz could not win the big game. Buffalo is not a big game, so this one should be straightforward. Bears 35, Bills 0.

I'll be curious to see the rebuilt Bears defense. The Bears will score, but they still look like an updated version of the Dan Fouts-era Chargers. That's not gonna work in December, as they learned last year. It's September, though, so... Bears 31, Bills 24.

We will have to see how this feature works now that I'll be at college, but we're going to try our best to give the adoring public the same high-quality football coverage they've come to expect from me, the Benster. And here is your Prairie Fire logo:

It's a flag of great justice

Ben out!