That is bad. I didn't realize it had come that.
I have to educate people. That's what Knoxers do. Not that I'm biased, of course.
Of course. By the way, how did Knox do against Beloit earlier this year?
We shall not speak of that. I never look back, it distracts from the now. That's my Mindset. By the way, what happened to the Mindset List?
We shall not speak of that.
So we both have something to avoid. But now, watch me work!
Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat (-8.5) vs. Illinois Fighting Illini. Have you seen Lovie Smith's luxurious beard? It's a sight to behold:
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| Woodland animals seek shelter there |
Lovie may need some help from Thurston Howell III pretty soon. The Illini are a train wreck and while the Gophers are having ups and downs, they'll squash the Illini. Gophers 28, Illini 14.
Rutgers Scarlet Knights (+28) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. The Badgers have been a disappointment this year, but they still are not out of the hunt for a Big Ten title. Many, many things have to happen, but if the Badgers take care of business, they have a chance. Rutgers is not very good at football. Even the Illini beat them. And so did Kansas. We aren't sure about Lakeland Dental Academy; my guess is that the Rutgers athletic department had the good sense not to schedule the Fighting Floss. Even Alabama is afraid to schedule Lakeland Dental Academy, but that's because Nick Saban isn't known for his consumption of Pepsodent. Badgers 70, Rutgers 10.
Beating the spread, then? Yeah, I think they will. Rutgers is probably the worst D-1 school and while the Badgers are disappointing, they won't screw this one up. Badgers 38, Rutgers 7.
Monmouth Scots (NL) vs. Knox College Prairie Fire, Baby! This is, by far, the most important football game to be played on Saturday. At least in the Quad Cities/Peoria television market. If you have not spent time in the part of the country, you would struggle to appreciate the majesty of this rivalry, which features the serious scholars of Knox versus the drooling mouth-breathers of Monmouth. You already know who I'm going to pick. Knox 200, Monmouth -40.
Based on what I know about this rivalry, I'm not certain that Knox has scored 200 points in the aggregate over the 130-year history of butt whipping they've suffered at the hands of those mouth-breathing Journey fans 12 miles to the west. I can report that I have seen Monmouth lose a football game; they lost at Beloit in 1981, my freshman year. Since then, well... let's just say Monmouth has been romping and stomping throughout the Midwest Conference. And since your beloved Prairie Fire has spent most of its history as a welcome mat, it hasn't been good. Maybe next year, Seabiscuit. Monmouth 49, Knox 24.
Detroit LOLions (+8.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings. And now, time for a Very Special Comment. I promised you I would go after a local radio station last week. And it's true -- KTIS, you really need to play more Blue Oyster Cult. So what if it's not particularly Christian. Here's a start for your new playlist:
"We took you up and put you in the back seat/Dominance, submission, radios appear." What could be more wholesome. Obviously, I'm kidding. KTIS is just fine, as long as they lay off the Slayer. My real target is KFAN. I completely understand that they need to hype up the Vikings, but they really cost the Vikings last week. Whenever I listen to them, they portray the Vikings as an amazing team. It's true -- the Vikings aren't terrible. However, the rapture from Paul Allen is so over the top that the hosts that follow him are forced to clean up after him. I didn't get the sense that the Vikings treated the Saints with sufficient respect last week. And it cost them. Oh my, it cost them. Now come the Lions, the favorite team of KFAN personality Dan "Common Man" Cole. Last week, Common Man suggested this game would be for first place. As it happens, it won't be. It's high time KFAN decided to either be honest with its listeners or just drop the pretense and full-on cheerlead for the Vikings. Dominance, submission, radios appear. But not on the ol' Arbitron. Lions 31, Vikings 10.
I guess I didn't see that parlay coming. Common Man Cole is more of an Al Stewart man, anyway. As for the game, I think the Vikings had better win. Lions are kinda meh. This is a chance for the Vikings to get well. Or not. Vikings 27, Lions 24.
Bear Down Chicago Da Bearz Still Suck (-10) vs. Buffalo Bills. A certain California-based correspondent has informed us that da Bearz are back in first place. Not sure if he should call in to KFAN about it, but whatever. I think the Bears are one of the tougher outs in the NFC, but I'm not convinced they are elite just yet. My reason? The Bears are reliant on their running backs and their defense to keep them in games. Mitchell Trubisky has his moments, but he's still the weak sister quarterback in the division, to say nothing of a hypothetical playoff opponent. Lucky for Da Bearz that Buffalo is coming to town. They are likely to start Nathan Peterman, who is familiar to many Chicago-area fans as Jay Cutler's spiritual successor. This game is going to be hilarious. Nobody Circles the Wagons Like the Buffalo Bills 17, da Bearz 0.
Ya know, I suspect you're wrong about that, young fella. Let's leave it at that. Bears 28, Bills 13.
Glorious Green Bay Packers (+5) vs. New England Cheaters. If you are not excited about this quarterback matchup, apparently you've been avoiding the ESPN hype (which, oddly enough, is even more than my usual level of HYYYYYYYPPPPPPE!) The Packers played well enough to win last week, before Ty Montgomery lost his freaking mind! Can the Packers go into Gillette Stadium and win? Yes. Packers 31, Patriots 28.
Speaking of creepy:
I would like to think the Packers can win. Aaron Rodgers won't be afraid of the Patriots. But I'm not sure they can fix their defense on the fly now that they've sent Ha Ha Clinton-Dix away. If this game were two weeks later, yeah. But there's too many moving parts in Green Bay at the moment. Better days are ahead, but for today... Patriots 31, Packers 28.
Oh, D of little faith! I still believe! Ben out!
4 comments:
has Benster even witnessed a Bears game this season? they have no running game to speak of. it cost us in Miami.
as it stands: the Bears are one dropped interception from beating green bay, one goal line fumble from beating Miami, one interception from beating New England (who they had two scores on) before being one yard short of forcing OT... easily a 7-0 team. that says a lot for a team still in transition, and needing a lot of polish to shine that diamond.
btw: Bears, still lead the division, and likely will after this week.
Shorter Gino: "If only the Bears had scored more points than their opponents in the three losses, they'd be undefeated."
LOL, Brad... the Bears aint exactly the Raiders. Raiders are bad, Bears are sloppy.
I watched the first half of the Gophers game. The MN Defensive Coordinator clearly had to be fired - there apparently weren't any cornerbacks or safeties on the field. How do you expect to row the boat when you're playing 7 against 11? Judging by the impact of his absence, the Gophers MVP is clearly Antoine Winfield, Jr. Sure, he hasn't played since week 2 - but neither has the rest of the team.
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