Benster and D Pick Your Games -- Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom Edition

Old dude, it's looking like Mutual of Omaha around here. We had a fox come through our yard recently, and it was not Blaze the Knox Fox.

Not Blaze?

I'll protect you from the weasels from Monmouth, President Amott!

No, he looked more like this guy:

I'll get that rabbit!

It wasn't this guy?

Not me, ya big dummy!

Sorry, I didn't watch Sanford and Son. I wasn't around for your prehistoric television viewing. But now I'm here to discuss some football, with all the insight and just the right amount of HYYYYYYPPPE! Watch me work!

Big Ten Championship Game: Northwestern Wildcats (+15) vs. A School In Columbus. If you had told me that Northwestern would win the west, I would have said, no way! A School in Columbus is coming off a very impressive demolition of  Dad Pants Harbaugh and his eternally disappointing Wolverines. In doing so, Urban Liar and his pals likely wrecked the chances of the B1G getting into the playoffs. Northwestern has had some black magic this year and it's time for A School in Columbus to get rewarded for its failure to fire Urban Liar. Northwestern 42, Fire Urban Liar 0.

Uh, no. You realize this is the more likely scenario:

If you enjoyed 59-0 as much as I did, which wasn't much, don't be surprised if we get something of a reprise. The Buckeyes are a ruthless bunch of Ohio-based mercenaries and they'll show no quarter. Ohio State 38,  Northwestern 14.

Bear Down Chicago Da Bearz Still Suck (-3.5) vs. New York All Hail The New York Giants. Our friend Gino would like to remind everyone that the Chicago Bears are in first place in the NFC North Division. I would like to remind everyone that the Green Bay Packers beat the Bears in Week 1, despite a 20-point deficit in the second half. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about the game. Da Bearz come in off a nice rest following a surprisingly easy win over the LOLions, even though Chase Daniel was at the controls. Mitchell Trubisky should be back, unless he was part of Kareem Hunt's posse, although we have no evidence of that. The Giants are a mess, but they do have talent, especially one Saquon Barkley. Although I still think da Bearz  are the better squad, watch out -- this has got trap game written all over it. Giants 31, da Bearz 17.

Huh. I've seen the Giants play recently. They're bad. Forget Saquon Barkley -- the Barkley one should attend to is this guy, who offers his opinion:

Are the Bears for real? I'm still not sure. But they're real enough to beat these guys. Bears 28, Giants 20.

Raising Arizona Cardinals (+14) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. For the love of God, could the Packers please win on Sunday? The Old Dude officially gets even older on Sunday and he deserves a win. The Cardinals are a dumpster fire right now. I feel bad for Larry Fitzgerald, who deserves much better, but it's his choice to play with these dead birds. Packers 45, Cardinals 10.

We were able to get some film from the Cardinals practice:

That's about how it's gone for the Cardinals lately. I don't know that they'll show up in Green Bay with a panty on their head, but one never knows. Packers 28, Cardinals 17.

Minnesota Vikings (+5.5) vs. New England Patriots. Meanwhile, the Vikings. Our locals are happy with their win last week, but now comes the reality check. I think it's fair to say the Vikings aren't guaranteed a playoff spot, considering they are visiting two distinct houses of horror in the next two weeks. First, a trip to Foxborough, then a trip to Seattle. It's also fair to say that if the Vikings miss the playoffs, Kirk Cousins will finally get criticized. I like New England in this one. Patriots 24, Vikings 13.

I am not sure what to think about this one. I keep waiting for the Patriots to implode, but they never do. I think your instincts are correct about a low-scoring affair, but I think it's going to be close. Patriots 24, Vikings 21.

Enjoy your weekend and look out for foxes. Ben out!