Benster and D Pick Your Games -- 10 Years of Rank Stupidity and HYYYYYYYYPPPE! Edition

And then one day you find that, ten years have got behind you. That's Pink Floyd, Geritol Fan!

I'm mostly pink myself, but just a little blotchy.

That's okay. We've been at this for 10 years, old dude! When we began, I was not even a teenager. Now I am a college graduate. Hard to believe.

I know. I can't believe you got through college, either.

Hey now! I do the comedy around here.

Well, maybe you should start, then.

I'm keeping track, old dude. I'm counting up the eye-rolling picks and takes so hot the Surgeon General is informed! Laying it down. Bringing the HYYYYYYYYPPPPPE!

We'd missed that.

I know. So has our adoring public. So watch me work!

Fresno State Bulldogs (+1.5) vs. Minnesota Golden Elite Rowers of the Boat. It's Year Two of the P.J. Fleck Carnival Barking Brother Love's Salvation Show. Can I get a witness?

Sure, why wouldn't Gopher Nation be a bit skeptical? We've seen this show before:

Get that chili hot, boys! Okay, maybe the Elite Boat Rower isn't Basement Brew yet, but he's getting there. The Gophers did look good against Lakeland Dental Academy New Mexico State, but Fresno State is a the type of school you should never schedule as a non-conference opponent. They come to play and they are usually competitive. The Gophers are still young and this game has trap written all over it. Bulldogs 31, Sinking Boat 17.

We got a warning about this game fifty years ago now:

Some kind of innocence is
Measured out in years
You don't know what it's like
To listen to your fears

You can talk to me, P.J. Fresno State 27, Minnesota 23.

New Mexico Lobos (+35) vs. Beloved Wisconsin Badgers. The Badgers should have no issues with this game. New Mexico is not very good, even though they have former Domer Bob Davie as their head coach. It might as well be Gerry Faust in this case. Wisconsin 70, New Mexico 0.

Those poor Lobos:

They might recall the wheat fields of Saint Paul, but Camp Randall will be a killing field. Badgers roll. Wisconsin 34, New Mexico 3.

Knox College Prairie Fire, Baby! (NL) vs. Beloit College Buccaneers. This is the college football game you've all been waiting for. It's my beloved Prairie Fire against Old Dude's beloved Bucs! Historically, the two worst teams in the Midwest Conference battling it out for slightly less ineptitude! You already know who I'm going to pick, so we'll skip to the good part. Knox 21, Beloit 17.

Hard times for my beloved Bucs these days. They were 1-9 on merit last season and got their butts kicked last week by the 43rd best Concordia College team out there. It's grim at Strong Stadium. But you'd like to think they'd get their act together just this once. This is dumb, but... Beloit 41, Knox 34.

San Francisco 49ers (+6.5) vs. Minnesota Vikings. Vikings fans are very interested to see the debut of this guy:

You like that? I'm not sure. I do see the wisdom in getting Cousins, but the danger is that Cousins has not won a playoff game. Can he do better with a much better team around him? You'd like to think so, but he still hasn't done it. I think the 49ers are a year away from being a real contender; last year Jimmy Garappolo had a nice run against some really bad opponents. The Vikings are a much tougher out. I like the Vikings in this one, but next week's opponent will be another matter. Vikings 20, 49ers 16.

There's a lot on the line in this one, because expectations for the locals are off the charts right now. I really worry about that offensive line. Cousins is not known for being a scrambler or an improviser, so it will be something to watch. I don't think the 49ers will get to Cousins, but other opponents down the line are more capable. A season-long thing to watch. Vikings 28, 49ers 17.

Bear Down Chicago da Bearz (+7.5) vs. Glorious Green Bay Packers. How fitting is it that the Packers begin their 100th season playing their most ancient rival, da Bearz! So, the big news out of Chicago is that da Bearz added this:

Blow your horn!

Khalil Mack is a truck, all right. The key for the Packers has got to be holding up to give Aaron time to throw. I would not be surprised to see the Packers go high tempo early; it's worth remembering that Mack, for all his talent, held out all preseason, so you wonder if he's in football shape and how well he knows the playbook. He'll be a huge problem later on at Soldier Field, but we'll worry about that when we get there. I expect da Bearz will keep it close, but the Packers will make enough plays to win. Packers 28, da Bearz Still Suck 14.

Everyone is talking about how much of a problem Mr. Mack will be to Aaron Rodgers. I think the guy who has to be worried is Kirk Cousins, but I digress. My youthful colleague is correct; the Packers will try to run the Bears ragged in this game and make it an up-tempo game. I think they succeed. I also don't see the Bears having an answer for Jimmy Graham. Packers 31, Bears 21.

I'm glad to be back, baby! Enjoy your football this weekend and try to lay off the guacamole. Ben out!