For the record

Brett Kavanaugh has not sexually assaulted me, as far as I know, or at least recently. However, today's revelations will involve rebar, kendo sticks, yellow highlighting markers, a pallet of Earl Grey tea, and just a dollop of Miracle Whip. According to a commenter on a popular website, Brett Kavanugh used all these in vile combinations on nubile exchange students from Equatorial Guinea, all while stalking the Eastern Shore naked from the waist down, but wearing a Colonel Mustard pith helmet and "I've got your Piltdown Man right here, pal" t-shirt. Avenatti has already secured a sworn affidavit.