Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Favre the Ted Thompson Gunner

Apologies to Warren Zevon:

Brett Favre was a warrior from the Land of Hattiesburg
With a Thompson gun for hire, fighting was the word
The deal was made with Ron Wolf on a dark and stormy day
So he set out for Fox Valley to join the bloody fray

Through ninety-six and seven they fought the NFC war
Fingers on their triggers, knee-deep in gore
For days and nights they battled the Niners to their knees
They killed to earn their living and to help out the heads of cheese

Brett Favre the Thompson gunner...

His comrades fought beside him - Ted Thompson and the rest
But of all Ted Thompson's gunners, Brett Favre was the best
So the NFL decided they wanted Brett Favre dead
That son-of-a-bitch Ted Thompson blew off Brett Favre's head

Brett Favre the headless Ted Thompson gunner (Time, time, time
For another peaceful war
Green Bay's bravest son But time stands still for Brett Favre
'Til he evens up the score)
They can still see his headless body stalking through the night
In the klieg lights of ESPN
In the klieg lights of ESPN

Brett Favre searched the continent for the man who'd done him in
He found him in Milwaukee in a barroom drinking gin
Brett Favre aimed his Ted Thompson gun - he didn't say a word
But he blew all credibility from there to Hattiesburg

Brett Favre the headless Ted Thompson gunner...

The eternal Ted Thompson gunner, still wandering through the night
Now it's two years later but he still keeps up the fight
In Maplewood, in Hopkins, in Inver Grove and Fridley
Ziggy Wilf heard the burst of Favre's Ted Thompson gun
And bought it


Night Writer said...

Hmmm. I think Ted "Steely Dan" Thompson's response might go something like this:

Your everlasting summer
You can see it fading fast
So you grab a piece of something
That you think is gonna last
You wouldnt know a diamond
If you held it in your hand
The things you think are precious
I cant understand

Are you reelin in the years
Stowin away the time
Are you gatherin' up the tears
Have you had enough of mine?

You been tellin me you're a genius
Since you were rookie green
In all the time Ive known you
I still dont know what you mean
The weekend with Ed Werder
Sure worked out like you planned
Why you are such a Diva
I can't understand


I spend a lot of money
And I spent a lot of time
The trips we made to the Super Bowl
Are etched upon my mind
After all the things we've done and seen
You've overplayed your hand
The things you think we'll put up with
I can't understand

Are you reelin in the cheers,
Throwin' away the ball,
Are you ignoring all the jeers,
Have you had enough of mine?

That's just what came to mind. In the Zevon catalog, however, I'm thinking there's potential gold in songs such as "Excitable Boy", "Lawyers, Guns & Money" and "Mr. Bad Example."

Mr. D said...

I like it, NW! Also, let's not forget "Detox Mansion" and "Things to Do in Green Bay When You're Dead (to Me)."

Night Writer said...

Yes, I had been thinking about "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead", but from a Minnesota angle and it didn't have the right feel. The "Dead (To Me)" note was dead, solid perfect.

Now we need to wait and see how long it will be before we have a tearful, "Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me."