Fearless Maria has returned from her whirlwind tour of the Arden Hills Park Department and has picked out some new songs for your listening pleasure today. So, Maria, what are we going to review today?
Cowabunga! We've got some good, bad and okays today. And this will be what it's cracked up to be!
Fair enough. Let's set the Wayback Machine to the year 1986.
You know why I don't like the Wayback Machine, Dad?
Why is that, Maria?
Because the Wayback Machine just leads you to trouble, like this first song.
Good point, Maria -- this one is kind of odd. For one thing, the singer can't make up his mind if he's singing English or German. It's our old pal Falco, offering to:
Yep, it's a dude with a rainbow wig and breeches hanging out with rejects from Sturgis. So what do you make of this, Maria?
Well, I don't know what century he's in! I guess the Wayback Machine must have broke! There's pirates and people from colonial times and then there's the dressed in black 80s girls. And I'm guessing that purply rainbow wig was an accident with the cotton candy machine! And also with his freaky outfit I don't see why he deserves to have all those fans!
Well, I'm not one of them, that's for sure. Shall we move on, Maria?
We'd better, before that cotton candy machine attacks us!
Okay. Costumes seemed to be a big thing in 1986. Check out this one, in which the lovely ladies of Bananarama go through several costume changes as they cover the old Shocking Blue hit:
Where did they film that? Planet Weird? All I can say is that they sure had a bad run through the costume department? Devils that shake their butts, weird wizards coming out of coffins and vampires, and then some girl wearing a beret pushing a boy out of her house? Dad, I think there's one mistake in the lyrics.
What's that, Maria?
Life in Venus, life in fire is definitely not my desire!
Yeah, I don't think those back to school outfits you got are fire-resistant. Anyway, want to see something else that's a little strange?
Strange is all we seem to have, Dad!
Yep. This one was one of the biggest hits of 1986. Marvel as former Genesis frontman Peter Gabriel is turned into fruit art. He wants to be your:
Smash! Dad, did you hear that?
Sure I did, Maria. What was that?
That was how it felt to watch that video, Dad! Did you notice that Peter Gabriel borrowed that Falco guy's cotton candy hair? And I know that my pet Webkinz chicken Jimmy found the dancing headless chickens quite offensive! And if the song is about sledgehammers, what's with all the food?
Maybe he was thinking about this guy. I thought when he turned into fruit he looked like the seed corn art at the State Fair, myself. But I don't think that was what he was going for, Maria. Let's move on quickly. Here's one that got a lot of people angry back in 1986.
Holy smokes, that is the most weird look I've ever seen! Fire red lipstick and white faces with black clothing! Geez, those people look like zombies from the garbage can of the dead! Hope they got paid a lot of money for that!
I don't know, but I do know that Robert Palmer made a lot of money on that.
Looks like he spent it all on hair gel, Dad!
Actually, it does. Anyway, it's getting late, so let's end with a typically twisted 80s bedtime story. Our old friends with the facial hair get really weird here:
Well, what do you know? It's Santa Claus and friends, riding around in an old red car that turns into a spaceship that crashes out of a pyramid! That happens every day, right Dad?
I especially like the monster truck, too.
Who wouldn't, Dad? And so now, you're going to have to vote! Pick your favorite and tell us which one you like in the comments. You know what I've learned this time, Dad?
What is that, Maria?
That the 80s have a lot of makeup, hair gel and costumes. And it's just as weird as the 70s. Buh-bye!